birseyyahgeziyor.com
45.Akran zorbalığı

       Benim akran zorbalığına değinmek istememin nedeni, bunun okulsuzlukta da deneyimlenme olasılığının olması. #Okul deneyiminden farklı olarak, ebeveyn olarak böyle bir durumu farketmek çok daha kolay, çünkü yaş itibariyle neredeyse tüm vaktimiz çocukla geçiyor.
       Yakınında ya da uzaktan gözlemleyerek. Okul deneyiminde ise #çocuk , ailesiyle, maruz kaldığı zorbalığı paylaşmadığı sürece ailenin haberdar olması ya zor ya da geç olabiliyor. Haberdar olunduktan sonra diğer çocuğa ulaşmak ayrı bir dert, okul yönetimiyle #iletişim kurup çocuklar için doğru bir yönlendirme almak ayrı bir dert, #zorbalık yapan çocuğun ailesine ulaşmak, hadi ulaşıldı #pozitif dönüş alabilmek ayrı bir dert gibi geliyor bana.
       Okulsuzlukta bu tarz süreçleri yönetmek çok daha #bireysel ileyecek bir durum olduğu için olayın özelinde ona uygun tepkiler vermek daha rahat hissettiriyor bana açıkçası.
İnsanların bu tarz sorunlu durumlarla, mümkünse çocuklukta uğraşmaması gerektiğine, yetişkinlikte bile böyle durumlarla baş etmenin zor olduğuna inandığım için, çocuğumu olası zorbalıklara hazırlama çabası içinde değilim.
       Başına gelenlere ise, onun #ihtiyaç duyduğu ve istediği ölçüde #açıklama yaparak yaklaşıyorum. Karşı tarafla muhattab olabilme ihtimalim varsa, önceliğim yumuşak ve yapıcı bir yaklaşım oluyor. Bu güne kadar gördüğüm, zorbalık yapan çocukların her birinin, istisnasız olarak öncelikle inkâr etmeyi ya da kaçmayı tercih ettiğini görüyor, bunu alışkanlıklarına bağlıyorum. Bu yüzden ilk cümlem, “buraya kızmaya gelmedim, ne olduğunu anlatabilir misiniz?” oluyor. İlk etapta kaçmayan çocuk, inkâr etme zorunluluğu da hissetmediyse, işler hem o çocuk hem de bizim (çevredeki çocuklar da dahil) için daha sağlıklı gidebiliyor. Akabinde birlikte oyun kurup oynadıklarını bile gördüğüm oldu.

       Tüm bunlarla birlikte bir de madalyonun öteki yüzü var elbet. İşin zorbalık tarafındaki çocuk ya bizim çocuğumuzsa... Maalesef sıkça taciz-tecavüz olayı duyduğumuz günlerde, ben sadece çocuğumun başına bunlar gelmesin diye dua edip düşünmüyorum; çocuğum da hayatı boyunca hiç kimseyi taciz etmesin, tecavüz etmesin diye de dua edip düşünüyorum. Çünkü her şey insanlar için ve şu hayatta her şey olasılık dahilinde.
Hiç kimse, annesinin karnından tecavüzcü olarak doğmuyor. Denk gelir ve ucundan kıyısından, bu hayat hikayelerinden haberdar olabilirsem, görüyorum ki yaptıklarını yapana kadar çok acı tramvalarla dolu hayatlar yaşamışlar.
       Bu bağlamda kendi adıma, tramvalarımı, olumsuz deneyimlerimin yaralarını iyileştirmek için adımlar atmaya; çocuğuma da çözemeyeceği, içine gömülüp kalıp da baş edemeyeceği tramvalar yaşatmamaya özen gösteriyorum. Çocukluğunu çocuk gibi, en masum en doğal halinde geçirebileceği ortamlar sunmaya çalışıyorum.
Akran zorbalığı yapan eğer benim çocuğum olursa, ilk ilgilendiğim bunun nedenini birlikte keşfetmeye çalışmak olur. Yaş ve mizaç itibariyle nefatif davranışların ortaya çıktığı anlar bizde genelde uykusuzluk ve toplum baskısından bunalma arasında minik bir yelpazade seyredebiliyor. Buralardan zorbalığa kadar giden bir yol var mı bilemiyor ve şefkatli ebeveynlik+koşulsuz sevgi vererek olmamasını diliyorum. Akran zorbalığının da, olabildiğince ❤️”sevgi”❤️ ile iyileştirilebileceğine inanıyorum.

 

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