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11. Disiplinli Çocuk

             

     Bana, çocuk okula gitmediğinde ve evde bizimle birlikte büyümeye devam ettiği sürece, ona nasıl disiplin vereceğimiz de, ilk etapta sıklıkla sorulan sorulardan oluyor. ''Nasıl kontrol altında tutacaksınız?'' sorusu da çok sık duyduklarımdan.

       Çocuğumu kontrol altında tutmak gibi bir derdim olmadığını anlattığımda, ben genelde soğuk duş etkisi ile karşılaştım; ''nasıl yani, e o çocuk ne olur öyle, bak çok pişman olursunuz!''. Tepkiler bence feci!

       Karşılıklı konuşmada sözlük anlamları veremesem de, burada yazabilirim. Disiplin ne demek, hadi konuyu bir de o açıdan ele alalım.

       Türk dil kurumu sözlüğünde disiplin kelimesinin anlamı ;

       '' 1. isim : Bir topluluğun, yasalarına ve düzenle ilgili yazılı veya yazısız kurallarına titizlik ve özenle uyması durumu, sıkı düzen, düzence, düzen bağı, zapturapt '' ; olarak verilmiştir.

       Google aramasında ulaştığım şu site ; http://sosyolojisi.com/disiplin-nedir-disiplin-anlami-ve-hakkinda-bilgi/14556.html ; disiplin için şu açıklamayı paylaşmış ;

        ''Disiplin nedir? Kanunlara ve kurallara uyma, görevini aldığı ve yaptığı işi nizam intizam içinde istenildiği gibi yapma. Disiplin Latince; öğretmek, terbiye etmek demek olan discipulus kelimesinden gelmiştir. Önceleri öğretim ve eğitim manasındayken, sonradan ilk defa Büyük Frederik tarafından ceza anlamında kullanılmıştır. Osmanlılar zamanında ise “zaptu rapt” deyimi (askeri zapt etmek, vazifeye bağlamak ve fertler arasında manevi bağ sağlamak) bugünkü disiplin manasındadır. Dilimizde cezai müeyyide olarak değil, ilk önceleri kullanılan mana esas alınarak kullanılmaktadır. Eğitimde, yapılan işte, askerlikte başarının esası disiplinli olmaya bağlıdır. Disiplin deyince akla önce ordu gelir. Disiplin ordunun ruhudur. Orduda disiplin şahsi bir mesele olmayıp, silahlı kuvvetleri ayakta tutan müşterek bir inanış ruhudur (devamı da var, merak eden yukarıdaki linkten açıp okuyabilir, ben bu kadarını paylaşmayı uygun buldum).

       Yukarıda belirtildiği gibi başarının esasının disiplinli olmaya bağlı olduğu yargısına pek katılmıyorum. Başarı için gerekli olan pek çok unsur olduğuna ve disiplinli olmanın da bunlardan sadece biri olabileceğine inanıyorum, ki o da duruma ve konuya göre değişir bence.

       Bu açıklamalar şöyle bir dursun, ''disiplin'' kelimesi bana hep itici gelmiştir. Nedeninden emin olmamakla birlikte muhtemelen hayatımda bu konuda duyduklarım ve şahsi deneyimlerimden dolayı, hayatım boyunca pek de sevdiğim bir yaklaşım olduğunu söyleyemem. Dedem askerdi, belki bilinçaltımda bunun da etkisi vardır. Dolayısıyla, çocuğumu belli bir disiplin altında tutmak gibi bir derdim yok. Çok şükür ki, İbrahim'le bu konuda hemfikiriz.

       Biz özel hayatımızda da, kariyerlerimizde de zaten özdisipline sahip, kendimize ait düzenlerimiz olan insanlarız. Ve disiplinli olmak konusunda özel olarak eğitilmiş de değiliz. Topluma uyum sağlayamayan, soyutlanmış, asosyal tipler de değiliz. Kendi deneyimlerimizden ve hayata bakış açımızdan yola çıkarak, çocuğumuzun içsesini duyarak-dinleyerek hareket etmesini, karar vermesini önemsiyoruz. Çünkü bu güne kadar bu şekilde yaptığı her şeyin sonucu da gidişatı da olumlu, kah kendisine, kah çevresine de faydalı şekilde gerçekleşti.

       Biz çocuğumuzu özellikle korku faktörü ile kontrol altında tutmak, kurallara uyması ve toplumla uyum içinde olması için belli bir disipline sokmak istemiyoruz. Bu bizim tercihimiz ve ''pişmanlık'' sopasını kullanarak tehdit edilmek bu konuda fikrimizi değiştirmiyor.

       Bugün beş yaşındaki çocuğum, yaşına uygun davranışlar çerçevesinde, kendi kendine yapabileceği her şeyi kendisi keşfederek yapmaya başladıysa ve istikrarlı bir şekilde de kendi isteği ile; tehdit edilmeden, mecbur bırakılmadan, hiç bir şeyden mahrum edilmeden yapmaya devam ediyorsa; bu bizim için mutluluk verici bir durum. Fazlasına ya da farklısına ihtiyaç duymuyoruz

 

       Zeynep

 

 

 

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