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13. Eksik hissetmez mi?

             

       Hiç okul arkadaşı, okul çantası olmayacak mı? Peki çocuk kendini eksik hissetmez mi?

 

       Canım annemin ilk endişelendiği konular bunlar olmuştu ; “e şimdi hiç okul çantası, hiç okul arkadaşı olmayacak mı?”. Neden bu konularda endişelendiğini çok iyi anlıyorum, çünkü annemin okula dair anıları ve arkadaşlıklar hep çok güzel ve çok özel olmuştur. 

       Gel gör ki, onun çocukluğundan benimkine ve şimdi oğlumun çocukluk dönemi olan bu zamana kadar hayatta, hayatlarımızda ve şartlarda o kadar çok şey değişti ki. Eskiden “okula gitmek” vesile olup da çocuklara alınanlar ve sağlanan imkanlar şimdi her yerde ve çok rahat ulaşılabilir durumda. Evlerimizde çeşit çeşit kırtasiye malzemeleri, çantalar, ayakkabılar... 

       Dolayısıyla zamanla şartların yanısıra bakış açısı da değişti. Artık okul defteri-okul çantası diye düşünmeye gerek kaldı mı ki? Sevdiği çanta, yazmak istediği zaman eline aldığı defter-kalem olması da yeterince güzel. Çantanın, defterin, benzer malzemelerin başına ''okul'' kelimesini koymak ya da koymamak, kimseye kendisini eksik hissettirir mi? Çok kişisel bir his, bilemem, ama sanmam da. Çünkü sevdiği şeylerin sevdiği şekilde hayatında olması olumsuz hislere yer bırakmayacaktır kanısındayım; şahsi görüşüm elbet, derinlemesine bir psikolojik açıklama değil bu.

       Arkadaşlar ve arkadaşlıklarsa, kimimize okul ortamında, kimimize tatil zamanında, kimimize aynı apartmanda, bir gezide, bir kursta denk gelebiliyor. Bugüne kadar konu başlığının okulsuzluk olduğu pek çok muhabbette “ama benim, okulda harika arkadaşlıklarım oldu” gibi cümleleri çok sık duydum ve buna istinaden “okuldaki arkadaşlarımın hiç biriyle okul yıllarından sonra bir kere bile görüşmedim” benzeri cümleleri de aynı sıklıkta duymuşluğum var.

       Velhasıl kelam, bazılarımıza okulda, bazılarımıza mahallemizde denk gelmiş arkadaşlıklar hayatın her döneminde her yerde karşımıza çıkabiliyor. Kah kısa olur, kah ömürlük olur; hiç bir arkadaşlığı, tek bir ortamda kurulabilirmiş gibi algılamak mantıklı gelmiyor bana. Yaş kaç olursa olsun tüm çocuklar ve tüm yetişkinler her yerde dostunu, arkadaşını, sırdaşını, ruh eşini bulabilir diye düşünüyorum.

       Bu şekilde düşünmekle birlikte, elbette çocuğumun ister sahip olacağı malzemeler konusunda olsun, ister hayatında edindiği arkadaşlar konusunda olsun kendisini eksik, kötü, yanlış bir yolda gibi hissetmesi de ihtimal dahilinde.

       Çocukların-insanların, bu hislerinin sadece okula gidip gitmemeye değil, hayattaki pek çok etkene dayalı olabileceğini belirterek; eğer kendisini olumsuz bir hissiyat içinde bulursa, sağlam bir iletişim ve destekle her zaman yanında olacağımızı bilecektir. Çözüm için ya da daha iyi hissetmek için neye ihtiyaç duyarsa, talep ettiği ya da yapmamız gerektiğini hissettiğimiz şekilde elimizden geleni yaparız. Bunu yapabilmek için, bugünden yapmamız gereken tek şeyin ise, çocuğumuzla aramızdaki bağı güçlü tutmak adına her an sağlıklı ve sevgi dolu bir iletişim içinde olmak olduğuna inanıyoruz ve bu şekilde hareket ediyoruz. Bu da bizim okulsuz yaşam tarzımızı en çok destekleyen şeylerden biri zaten. 

       Tüm bunların yanısıra, kendini eksik hissetmek diye bir şey olmadığını, onun bir hissiyat değil, insanın öyle olduğunu düşünerek yarattığı bir inanç olduğunu bugün biliyorum artık. Bu konulardaki bilgim ışığında da, çocuğuma da, kendime de, eşime de daha fazla faydam olabileceğine inandığım için elimden geldiğince okuyor, öğreniyor ve öğrendiklerimi yavaş yavaş içselleştiriyorum.

       Okulsuzluğu savunmak adına, ''okulsuz olduğu için hiç de öyle hissetmez'' gibi cümleler kuracak değilim. Tüm hisler, inançlar, düşünceler, fikirler ve başımıza gelenler insan içindir ve hepsi ihtimal dahilindedir. Ama bunları insan olduğumuz için yaşayabileceğimizi görmek önemlidir ve sırf bilgi eksikliği yüzünden, yaşanan her olumsuzluğu da okulsuzluğa mal etmek kadar saçma bir şey olmadığını unutmamanızı dilerim.

 

       Zeynep

 

 

 

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