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14. Çocuğu dış dünyadan korumak...

            

       Çocuğu dış dünyadan korumak için mi okula gitsin istemiyormuşuz?? Tehlikelerden uzak olsun diye miymiş? Çok mu düşkünmüşüz çocuğumuza? Acaba çok korumacı bir annemiymişim? Anneler böyle buldumcuk oluyormuş işte, ne oldum delisi oluyormuş, çocuğu hep kanatları altında olsun istiyormuş da ... Ah ahh ahhh yazıkmış o çocuğa...

       Hep annem kadar rahat bir anne olmak istemişimdir. Pimpiriklenmiyim, şu saçma titizliklerimden kurtulayım, hayatımızı daha rahat geçirelim istemişimdir. Bu bana Seyyah'ın doğumundan bir süre sonra yavaş yavaş kısmet oldu. Şu anda olduğum durumdan gayet memnunum ama rahatlık konusunda kendimi geliştirmeye de devam ediyorum. İki dakikada bir ellerini antibakteriyel sabunlarla yıkayan insandan, kendi sabununu yapan, kişisel ve ev temizliğinde sabun, sirke, karbonata geçmiş bir insana dönüşebildiysem, annelikte de rahatlıkta sınır tanımamaya adayım diyebilirim rahatlıkla. Bunda İbrahim'in etkisi ve emeği büyüktür.

       Biz çocuklu bir hayata, evliliğimizde geçirdiğimiz sekiz seneden ve gezip gördüğümüz sayısız ülke ve şehirden sonra karar verdik. Hayat görüşümüzde seyahatlerimizin; ebeveynlik tarzımızda yaşımız ve hayat deneyimimizin etkisi çok büyük. İyikilerimizden biridir bu kararı verme zamanlamamız. Tüm okulsuzlar adına konuşamam, ama bu paylaştıklarım bile, bizi aşırı korumacı, çocuğu kanatları altında tutmak isteyebilecek ebeveyn profilinden oldukça uzak bir yere koyuyor.

       Aksine, fazlasıyla hayatın, insanların, toplumun içinde yaşayan, oldukça fazla alanda kendine yer edinen bireylerden oluşan bir aileyiz. Çekirdek ailemizin de, büyük ailelerimizin de profili bu şekilde. Her biri ayrı bir renk aile bireylerimizin. Bu farklılılara alışık olduğumuz bir ülkede yaşamıyoruz maalesef bugün, ama biz ailecek bunlara alışkın, sevgili ve saygılı bir aile olmayı başardık.

       Ben renkleri ve farklılıkları çok seviyorum. Seyahat deneyimlerimin çok fazla beslediği bir sevgi bu. Çocuğumun da, bize temas edebilecek, hayatın tüm renkleri ve farklılıkları içinde büyümesini çok istiyor ve destekliyorum. Bu yüzdendir ki, ebeveyn olarak tehlikeli görmediğimiz her durumun içine girmesini destekliyor ve gözlemliyoruz. Her renkten, her inançtan, her kesimden insanla hem kendimizin hem de çocuğumuzun temas halinde olabileceği bir yaşam tarzını benimsiyoruz. Muhabbetlerimiz de bunu destekler nitelikte olduğu için, kanatlarımız altında kalmayı istemekten ziyade, en kısa zamanda kendi kanatları ile uçmayı hayal edecek bir çocuk görüyorum ona baktığımda. Bu da okulsuzluk kararımız konusunda bana kendimi daha da iyi hissettiriyor.

       Çocuk benim tapulu malım değil. Okulsuzluk kararı bile, söz sahibi olmaya hazır olduğu anda onun son sözü söyleyeceği bir karardır bizim için. Çocuğumla aramdaki en sağlam ve tek bağ sevgi bağı olsun istiyorum. Gerisi zaman içinde, içimize sindiği gibi belirleyeceğimiz ve her zaman esnek olmasını dilediğim bağlar olacaktır ki, ona da istediğimiz zaman istediğimiz şekilde biz karar veririz. Ucu açık şeyleri ve esnekliği seviyor, hayatımda öncelikli tutmaya çalışıyorum. Çocuğumla ilişkim temelde esnekliğe dayanıyor; koşulsuz sevgi, saygı ve ilgi ile besleniyor.

       Okulsuzluk kararı için pek çok nedenimiz olmakla birlikte, çocuğumuzu kendimize saklamak ya da dış dünyadan korumak gibi şeyler bunların arasında yer almıyor.

 

       Zeynep

 

 

 

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