birseyyahgeziyor.com
15. S.O.S.yalleşme

             

       Okula gitmeyecekse, nasıl sosyalleşecek peki? En çok sorulan soru açık ara farkla budur! Okulsuzlar arasında bunu duymaktan bıkmakla birlikte en sevdiğimiz soru da budur.

       Tamamen ailenin yaklaşımına, şartlarına, yaşam tarzına pararlel olmakla birlikte; okulsulukta çocuk, okula giden bir çocuğa göre kat kat daha sosyal olma imkanı bulabiliyor. Bu imkanı nasıl değerlendireceği ise tamamen çocuğun mizacı ve çevredekilerin yaklaşımı ile alakalı.
    

             

 

   Sosyalleşme, tanım olarak topluma uyum sağlama, toplumun parçası olabilmek olarak geçse de; toplumda insanlar bu kelimeyi daha çok etkileşimde bulunmak, girişken olmak, iletişim kurabilmek anlamında yorumlayarak kullanıyor diye düşünüyorum ben. Misal, Seyyah eğer keyifli bir günündeyse karşılaştığı herkesle muhabbet edip iletişim kurmayı seviyor ve ''çok sosyal bir çocuk'' olarak etiketleniyor. Halbuki eğer uykusu varsa, canı bir şeye sıkkınsa, en sevdiği insanlarla bile konuşmak istemeyip, hatta insanları uzak tutacak negatif hareketler yapabiliyor. O zaman da ''aa nasıl çocuk bu böyle'' gibi tepkiler alabiliyor. Yani her çocuk gibi, her insan gibi onun da eşref saati ve eşşek saati var. Ve kurduğu iletişim de, ilişkilerine yaklaşımı da ruh haline göre değişiyor doğal olarak. Her hareketi onu ''sosyal'' ya da ''asosyal'' olarak etiketlemek için yeterli değil. Yaş daha beş, bu tarz kişilik özelliklerinin ne kadar oturduğu bile tartışılırken; ben şahsen o etiketlemeleri duymazdan-görmezden gelmeyi tercih ediyorum.

       İnsanları, hayvanları ve tüm canlılar sevmek bir çocuk için çok kolay. Ama kesinlikle, insanlardan, hayvanlardan, canlılardan soğumak, sevmemek, uzaklaşmak ve hatta nefret etmek de çok kolay bir çocuk için. Maalesef, ebeveynlerine itaat etmesi için kedi ile köpek ile korkutulan çocuklar, yanında insanların olumsuzlukları uzun ve derin bir şekilde anlatıldıktan sonra neden bu çocuk insan sevmiyor diyen ebeveynler görüyoruz. İnsan denen canlı zaten en azından görünüşte (hatta çoğu konuda işin özünde bile) yararından çok zararı olan bir canlıyken; çocukları insanla, hayvanla, canlılarla korkutmayı, soğutmayı çok yanlış buluyorum.

       Dolayısıyla, bunların sevgi dolu yönlerinden hayatın akışı içinde bahsetmeye meyilliyiz ailemizde. Sosyallik öğretilmez; bu görülür, gözlemlenir ve kişinin mizacına uygun olarak dışarı çıkar. Nasıl okula giden her çocuk sosyal, iletişimi kuvvetli, ilişki kurmayı seven bir birey değilse ve olmak zorunda da değilse; okulsuzluğun tercih edildiği bir yaşam tarzında büyüyen çocuk da gayet iletişimi iyi, etkileşimleri seven, sosyal olabileceği gibi, mizacı gereği daha sessiz, iletişimi sevmeyen, içe kapanık ya da asosyal bile olabilir ve bunların hepsini olmaya da hakkı vardır.

               

       Okulsuzluğu hakkıyla yaşayan, kendi tarzında az çok sosyal olan bir ailede büyüyen çocuğun sosyalleşmek için o kadar çok fırsatı ve girip çıktığı o kadar çeşitli ortamlar olabiliyor ki, o çocuk için bu çeşitliliği değerlendirmek biraz daha kolay oluyor, gibi geliyor bana. Maalesef zaman ayırma anlamında; haftada beş gün günde 6-8 saatini okulda geçiren ve belki buna ek haftasonlarını kurslarda geçiren bir çocuğun bu kadar çeşitli sosyalleşme ortamı bulabilmesi daha zor. Yine de bu sosyalleşmeye engel mi, ya da bu bir kriter mi? Bence değil. Ayrıca her bireyin ilişki kurma tarzı ve sosyalleşme tarzı kendine özgü ve biricik olduğu için; ömrünü tek bir ortamda bile geçirse bir insan, o ortama ait bir sosyalleşme imkanını değerlendirebilir diye düşünüyorum ben.

               

       Karşılaştırmanın yine anlamsız olduğu, ama okul tek sosyalleşme imkanıymış gibi algılandığı için kendimi yazmak zorunda hissettiğim bu satırlar, aslında sadece hayatında okul olsun ya da olmasın, bir çocuğun her zaman her yerde kendi mizacına uygun şekilde sosyalleşebileceğini, iletişim kurabileceğini, insanlarla ve toplumla etkileşim halinde olabileceğini anlatmak içindi.

       Okulsuzluk, çocuğu eve hapsetmek, fanustaki bir balık gibi yaşatmak, sadece ailesiyle iletişim kurabildiği bir yaşam tarzı değildir. Bunu çocuğuna bilinçli olarak, farklı niyetlerle ve kasten bu şekilde yaşatan aileler okulsuzluk değil, muhtemelen çok daha başka bir şey yapıyordur, oradaki amaç çok farklıdır. Birbirine karıştırmamak gerek!!

 

       Zeynep

 

 

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