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18. Okula gitmeyen çocuk sıkılır mı?

             

       Ben küçükken anneannemde ya da babaannemde kaldığım zamanlarda, ''canım sıkıldı'' dediğimde, ''sıkı can iyidir, çabuk çıkmaz'' ya da ''canına pencere açalım da bakınsın'' derlerdi. Hatta aynısını babaannem bana yapardı. Pencere pervazına bir minder koyar beni de cama oturturdu. Sokaktan geçenleri izler, evin bitişiğindeki bakkala gelenlere laf atar muhabbet ederdim, karşı komşunun torunlarıyla camdan cama konuşurdum.

       Çocukken de, şimdi de, yapacak bir şey bulamayıp da canımın sıkılması önce cidden keyfimi kaçırırken bir süre sonra mutlaka yapacak ya da ilgilenecek bir şeyler bulup vaktimi doldururum. Sonuç ise yaptığım şeye göre değişir.

       Tüm çocuklar için geçerli olduğuna inansam da, sadece kendi çocuğum için yazacağım; sıkılmak iyidir, sıkılmak candır, sıkılmak bir çocuk için çok kıymetlidir. Diğer zamanları bilemem, ama günümüzde, evimiz de dışarısı da değerlendirecek pek çok fırsatla, keşifle dolu. İnternet üzerinden o kadar çok kaliteli bilgiye ulaşmak mümkün ki; bilgi kirliliğini aşmayı da biliyorsanız gerisi, öğrenmek için derya deniz.

       Sıkılan çocuğum evdeyken; yeni bir şeylerle uğraşmaya başlar, önceden yaptığı bir şeyi tamamlamaya koyulur, yeni bir oyun kurar, sorular sorup bir muhabbet açar, evde her türlü eşyaya ulaşabildiği için alakasız bir şeyi farklı bir şekilde kullanarak vakit geçirir, kitap karıştırır, bir ev işini yapmayı teklif eder, bir yakınımızı arayıp konuşmak ister ve telefonda uzun uzun hikayeler anlatır, telefonumdaki ya da albümlerdeki fotoğraflara bakar ve fotoğraf çekmeye çalışır, bir şeyler izlemek ister, boyalarla takılmak ister (genelde boyama yapmaz mesela, boyalardan farklı oyunlar yaratır), bir yere yatıp hayal kurar, camdan bakıp yorum yapar (ışık şimdi şurdan şu binaya geliyor değil mi? gibi), güneşle bulutlarla konuşur, boş boş oturur, hiç konuşmadan birbirimize bakıp gülme krizleri yaratırız, rol yapmaca, kutu oyunlarını kuralları ve amaçları dışında kullanmaca filan yaparız. Şu an ben bu yazıyı yazarken o çok sıkılmış mesela, odasındaki kitapları salona taşıyor, ''anne ben siparişçi oldum'' diyip, hayali bir telefonda müşterileriyle konuşup sipariş alıyor. Kitaplıktan kitapları farklı yerlere koyup sipariş dağıtıyor. Telefon trafiği ise muazzam.

       Sıkılmanın yaratıcılığa, gelişmeye ve ilerlemeye sebebiyet verdiğine inanan bir anneyim. Çocuğuma bebekliğinden beri bu şekilde yaklaştım. Sıkılması üzerine neredeyse hiç yorum yapmadım. ''Sıkıldım'' dediğinde ona çözümler ya da oyalanacak şeyler sunmadım, her şey her zaman ortalıktaydı zaten. ''Ben bir şey yapamam, sıkıldıysan kendin bul ne yapacağını'' demedim, hep ''seni anlıyorum, sıkılmışsın evet'' gibi sadece durumu anlatan geri bildirim cümleleri kurdum, ben de sıkılmışsam bunu belirttim ve kendi sıkıntıma bir çözüm buluyorsam ben de onu davet ettim, istiyorsa dahil oldu, istemiyorsa olmadı. Sıkıldım diyorsa ve bulduğu şeye beni de dahil ediyorsa dahil oldum, tek takılıyorsa karışmadım, yardım istediğinde ikiletmedim ve şu an sıkıldığı zamanlarda da gayet güzel bir düzenimiz var. Yaptıklarım doğrudur ya da yanlıştır. Neysek oyuz ve halimizden memnunuz.

       Eğer dışarıda vakit geçiriyorken, bulunduğumuz ortam bir noktadan sonra ona hitap etmediyse, ya da onu sıktıysa, ya da orada olmayı artık istemiyorsa; ortam neresi olursa olsun ya da orada olmak bize neye mal olmuş olursa olsun onu orada zorla tutmuyoruz. Mümkün olduğunca çabuk, talebine cevap vermeye çalışıyoruz. Anında gitmek her zaman mümkün olamayabiliyor. O zaman da gidememenin nedenini dürüstçe açıklayıp anlayış göstermesini rica ediyoruz. Çok büyük çoğunlukla, bu yaklaşımımıza bu güne kadar anlayışla yaklaşıp sabretmiş bir çocuk olduğu için, arada sabırsız yaklaşımlarını da biz tolare ediyoruz. İbrahim bu konularda benden çok daha iyidir, belirtmeden geçemeyeceğim.

       Özetle, sıkılmak, okulsuzluk deneyimimizde çok kıymet verdiğimiz bir duygu. Ona değeri ölçüsünde müdahelsiz yaklaşmanın karşılığından çok memnunuz. Sıkılmayı bir sorunmuş gibi görmenin gerçekten sorun yaratıp üstüne de onu büyüttüğünü düşünüyorum ben. Çocuğunuz okula gitmediği için sıkılmıyor mu dendiğinde, evet sıkıldığı da oluyor ve bu onun için çok iyi bir şey diyorum. Sıkıntılara bir de bu yönden bakmak hepimize iyi gelebilir.

 

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