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19. Beni neden okula göndermediniz?

             

       Bu soru benim, açık ara farkla en sevdiğim soru. Bu soru ile son bir kaç senedir muhattab oluyorum. Dolayısı ile üzerine o kadar çok şey düşündüm ki; dilim döndüğünce aklıma gelenlerin hepsini yazmaya çalışacağım.

       Toplumumuz geçmişe ve geleceğe o kadar çok bağımlı (bağlı değil!) yaşamayı tercih ediyor ki; bir konuda rutini dışında bir adım atacağı zaman ne yapacağını şaşırıyor. Hemen her konuda şu yaklaşımı görmek mümkün, dikkat ettiyseniz; ''bu yapıyorsun ama ya sonra pişman olursan?''. Pişmanlık müthiş bir şey, o kadar çok düşünülüyor ki, o enine boyuna düşünülmeden adım bile atılmıyor. Çünkü tehditler de bizim toplumumuzun sağlam bir parçası. ''Yap, yap da gör bak nasıl pişman olacaksın!''. ''Sen pişman olmazsan da, ben seni illa pişman edeceğim zaten!''.

       Çocuklu hayattan da çok daha önceleri, bir gün, hayatımdaki hiç bir şeyden pimanlık duymamaya karar vermiştim. Yaşadığım her şey, iyisiyle kötüsüyle benim deneyimimdi. Çoğu benim tercihim, bir kısmı ise benim dışımda başıma gelenlerdi. Ama yine de hepsi benim deneyimlerimdi ve bugünkü insan olmamı sağlamışlardı, iyisiyle ve kötüsüyle. Bu düşünceye çok sıkı sarıldım ve pişmanlık hissiyatımı o kararı verdiğim zaman oralarda bir yerlerde bıraktım. Mükafatını aldığım çok yer olmakla birlikte; en güzeli annelik tecrübeme yansıyanlar oldu. Pişmanlıklarla, ya pişman olursam düşüncesiyle yaşamayı bıraktım bırakalı daha özgür, daha mutlu hissediyorum.

             

       Gelelim okulsuzluk kararımıza. Bugüne kadar hiç sektirmeden, hiç karar değişikliği yapmadan, bunu nasıl yapacağımızı hep aynı şekilde anlattık. Evet bizim hayata bakış açımıza göre çocuğumuzun zorunlu okul eğitimine ihityacı yok. Bu doğrultuda, ona yaklaşımımız ''okula gitmek zorunda değilsin'' başlığı ile anlatacaklarımızın yanısıra, ''istediğin zaman da, herhangi bir nedenden dolayı bunu tercih edebilir ve okula gidebilirsin. Bu konuda özgürsün ve seni bu kararında da aynı şekilde destekleriz'' şeklinde olacak. Bu çocuğun kafasını karıştıracak bir durum değil. Biz her zaman her şeyi sağlam bir iletişimle paylaşabilen bir aile olduk. Bu konu ile ilgili karar verme aşamasında istediği kadar ve istediği derinlikte konuşabilir ve kararı, son söz onun olmak şartıyla, üçümüz verebiliriz diye düşünüyoruz. Şu an yaş beş, ve bu yaş itibariyle henüz bu tarz bir konuşma yapma ihtiyacımız olmadı. Bu ihtiyacı hisettiğimizde ise nasıl şekilleneceğini göreceğiz.

              

       Çocuğumuza okula gitmesi için de, gitmemesi için de herhangi bir baskı yapmayacağımız için; iki kararına da eşit destek vereceğimiz için; kendi hayat görüşümüzü anlatırken onun görüşünü de aynı saygı ile dinleyeceğimiz için; okulsuzluk ya da okula gitmek, bizim çocuğumuza yaptırtacağımız bir şey değil. İşte bu yüzdendir ki, eğitim hayatı üzerine, ebeveynlerinin tecrübesinden faydalanarak, ebeveynleri ile eşit söz hakkına sahip olup, eşit derecede fikrini beyan edebilecek ve ne tartışılırsa konuşulursa son karar kendisine ait olacak bir bireyin de, bu konuda ''bana bunu neden yaptırdınız'' şeklinde bir pişmanlık yaşayacağını sanmıyorum.

             

       Ha, kararından pişman olabilir; her zaman kararını değiştirmekte de özgürdür ve değişiklik yaptığında da desteğimiz hep yanında olacaktır. Bunları bilen ve bu güven ortamında büyüyen bir çocuk pişman olur mu? Oladabilir :) İnsanız ve her şey olabilir. Pişman olursa da yanında olacağız, yardım istediğinde edecek, müdahale istemediğinde geri duracağız. ''Neden böyle yaptınız?'' diye her zaman her konuda bize sorabilir. Şimdi nasıl onunla vakit geçirip muhabbet etmeyi seviyorsak, o zaman da aynı iletişim ile oturur bu soruları da birlikte masaya yatırır konuşuruz. İletişim, sevgi ve saygı olduğu sürece, sorun yok.

               

       Hayatımı hiç bir zaman ''ya pişman olursam'' diye yaşamayacağım. Pişmanlık da hissedebilirim ve bununla başa çıkmak için emek de verebilirim. Çok şükür o hayat deneyimine ve olgunluğa sahibim. Zira eşim için de aynılarını söylemem mümkün. Çocuğumun, pişmanlık konusuna anne ve babasının nasıl yaklaştığını görmesi de, bu deneyimi ve hayatta karar alma tarzını etkileyecektir. Biz pozitif olduğumuz sürece, bu konu ile ilgili de herhangi bir endişe duymuyoruz.

 

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