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26.Yaklaşımımız çelişkili mi?

             

       Evet, çocuğum eğer istiyorsa okula gidebilir. Okula gitmeyi, ona doğru gelen herhangi bir nedenden dolayı isteyebilir. Çünkü bu onun hayatı. Sırf benden çok sonra doğdu diye, hayatı ve ihtiyaçları ile ilgili kararlarda söz sahibi olması için uzun yıllar geçmek zorunda değil. Kendi iç sesini dinlemesine izin verilen her çocuk ihtiyacını bizlerden daha iyi bilebilir ve ona göre hareket edebilir. Biz İbrahim'le buna canı gönülden inanıyoruz.

       ''Çocuk o bilmez'' yaklaşımı, bizim asla benimsemediğimiz bir yaklaşım oldu bu güne kadar! Arada fire verdiğimiz oldu mu? Oldu! Anlatacağım şu küçük örnek,bizim için çok kıymetlidir mesela. Seyyah bebekliğinden beri, tırnaklarının kesilmesi konusunda hiç sorun çıkartmamış bir çocuk oldu. Ve bir gün (dört yaş civarında), ben tırnaklarımın kesilmesini istemiyorum dedi. Neden belirtmedi. Biz de tamam dedik. Ama bir süre sonra tırnakları o kadar uzadı ki, bunu sadece inat için yaptığını düşündüğümüzden ve onun da bizim de hayatımızı zorlaştırdığı için tırnaklarını kesme konusunda ikimiz de bir gün ısrarcı olduk. Sonunda ağlamaya başladı ve dedi ki; ''ama bunlar benim ellerim''...

       Size okuyunca bu kısa hikaye, ya da o basit cümle anlamsız gelebilir ama biz o cümleyi hayatımız boyunca unutmamaya, birbirimize hatırlatmaya karar verdik İbrahim'le. Evet onlar onun elleri ve biz ellerine kadar karışma hakkını kendimizde görüyoruz. Onun hayatını zorlaştırsa da, onlar onun elleri. Ve bizim hayatımızı zorlaştırsa da, onlar onun elleri ve zorla o tırnakları kesmeye hakkımız yok. Ama bizim hayatımızı zorlaştırmamak için bu durumda onun dikkat etmesi gerekenler olduğunu anlattık. Anladı, dikkat etti ve bir süre daha uzun tırnaklarla dolaştı. Sonra bir gün, kısa tırnakların, kaşınmakta zorlandığı için onu sinir ettiğini anlattı. Tırnaklarımı çok kısa kesmeyin ama kesin dedi. O zaman onu anladık. Bazen çocuklar kendilerini doğru ifade etmek için düşünmeye ihtiyaç duyabiliyor ve bu süre bir kaç gün, hatta daha uzun bile sürebiliyor. Ama illaki kendi nedenini, doğru ifade ediyor, eninde sonunda! Çok sabırlı olmalı.

       Biz çocuğumuzun hayatına ''karışmak'' istemeyen ebeveynleriz. Karışmak isteyen karışır, burada bir eleştiri söz konusu değil; ama biz karışmayacağız. Dolayısıyla, okula gidip gitmemenin de bir zorunluluk olmaması gerektiğini düşündüğümüz için bunu ona seçenek olarak sunmak; tecrübemiz ve fikirlerimizle destek olmak, bilgi sağlamak; okulu deneyimlerse de, okulsuz öğrenmek isterse de eşit derecede yardımcı ve yanında olmak istiyoruz. Bu yüzden okula gitmek isterse gidebilir ve istemezse de gitmemekte özgür olması için elimizden geleni yaparız diye düşünüyoruz.

       Şu an Seyyah beş yaşında. Çok sık olmamakla birlikte, okul ile ilgili arada bir kaç şey soruyorum ona. Okulun ne olduğunu bilip bilmediğini, okula gitmek isteyip istemediğini soruyorum. Şimdiye kadar okulla ilgili pozitif, meraklı, istekli bir cevap almadım. Ve her seferinde kısa bir tanım yapıp onu rahat bırakıyorum. Yönlendirmemek için, olabildiğince tarafsız, objektif bir tanım yapıyor ve İbrahim'le bunun üzerine fikir alışverişi yapıyorum. Çünkü çocuğumun bu konuda bizim isteğimizi yerine getirmek ya da bizi mutlu etmek için bir tercih yapmasını istemiyoruz ikimiz de!

       Muhtemelen yaşı ilerledikçe, okul kavramı üzerine öğrenmek istedikleri, soruları ve fikirleri olacaktır. Beş yaşı da geride bıraktığımız için ve henüz o düşünceler onda demlenip de soru olarak geri dönmediği için, kafası karışacak dönemleri zaten geride bıraktığımızı düşünüyorum (oğlumu bireysel olarak gözlemlediğim için yaş ile ilgili bu yorumu yaptığımı belirtmek isterim! Genel bir tanımlama değil bu) .

       Ben, bizim çevremizde okulla ilgili henüz bizi rahatsız edecek derecede uyaran olmadığını düşünüyorum. Buna rağmen, görüştüğümüz arkadaşların hepsinin çocuğu okula gidiyor ve okul muhabbeti her ortamda geçiyor. Çok sevdiğimiz filmlerde sık sık okula gitmekten bahsediliyor (bakınız: Kayıp balık Nemo- Dori). Kitaplarda okul sık sık karşımıza çıkıyor. Hiç birini hayatımızdan çıkarmamakla birlikte, Seyyah küçükken içinde okulla ilgili hikayelerin geçtiği iki tane kitabı attığımı da şuraya not düşeyim. Kitapların ikisinde de, okulda sadece oyun oynandığından, hareket imkanının kısıtlı olmadığından bahsediliyor ve çizimler de duvarları bile olmayan ormanın içinde okullar yer alıyordu. Gerçeklikten uzak bu tarz şeyleri, çocuğumun hayatında istemiyorum. Yine karşılaşsam yine atarım! Bu tarz kaynakların, okula gitmeyi deneyimleyebilecek bir çocukta, tramvaya bile neden olabileceğini düşünüyorum. Beklenti ve vaadler göklere çıkarılıp da, gerçeklere sıra geldiğinde her şey tamamen farklı olunca yaşanacak hayal kırıklığını, göz göre göre çocuğumun hayatına da sokacak değilim. Okul her ne ise, olduğu gibi anlatan kitaplar candır, o ayrı.

 

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