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31. Okulsuzluğumuzu besleyen hareketler

             

       Bizim okulsuzluk sürecimizi en çok etkileyen şeylerin başında Seyyah’a kitap okumamız geliyor. Akabinde, o kitapları kendi kendine karıştırması, onlarla haşır neşir olması. 
 

       İnsanlarla olan ilişkilerimiz ve iletişimimiz de, okulun olmadığı bir çocukluğu oldukça pozitif etkiliyor diye düşünüyorum ben. Ailemiz, akrabalarımız ve yakın arkadaşlarımızla olan bir yana, bir de çevrede yeni tanıştığımız her çeşit insanla olan iletişimimiz var ki, onun etkisi çok daha güçlü oluyor bence. Çocuğumuzun iletişim üzerine bizi ve çevresini örneklemesi, sosyal hareketlerindeki özgürlüğü ve sınıra maruz kalmaması, bizim okulsuzluğumuzda çok kıymetli kabul ettiklerimizden. 
 

       Seyahatlerimiz elbette hayatın her alanına dokunmamızı sağladığı için, çok güzel anılar olmasının yanısıra, müthiş etkiler yaratıyor bu süreçte. Biz, imkanlar dahilinde halâ yurtdışı seyahatler de yaptığımız için; kitaplarda gördüğümüz pek çok şeyle (bir Van Gogh tablosuyla mesela) gezerken karşılaşabiliyoruz. Okulsuzluğu tercih etmiş bir aile için bu büyük bir şans, farkındayız ve şükrediyoruz. 
 

       Filmleri çok seven bir aileyiz ve bunu çocuğumuzla da severek deneyimliyoruz. Bu deneyim, çocuğumun pek çok konuya yaklaşımını, hazır olup olmadığını, ve mizacını da gözlemlemem için bana çok büyük bir fırsat yaratıyor. 
 

       Seyyah’ın evde de, dışarıda da boş boş durmasına, vaktini boş geçirmesine, görünürde hiç bir şey yapmamasına izin veriyor/saygı duyuyor/olanak sağlıyoruz. Yani mesela ona parkta “senin için parka geldik sen oynamıyorsun. Oynamayacaksan gidelim” demiyoruz. Ya da evde “şunları yapacağım bugün” diyip de yapmadığında, vazgeçtiğinde ve boş geçirdiğinde vaktini, “e hani şunu yapacaktın? Hadi yap bakalım şimdi” demiyoruz. Tüm oyuncaklarını ortaya dökmüş ama bir anda yön değiştirip alakasız bir şeyle ilgilense ya da hiç bir şey yapmasa bile “döktün bu oyuncakları hadi oyna, oynamıyorsan topla” demiyoruz. Çünkü her seferinde gördük ki, hemen hemen her yaptığı şeyde bir bildiği var o çocuğun. Bir nedeni yoksa da, ya dalgınlığına gelmiştir, ya da tembellik çekmiştir canı. Bizce sorun değil, her insanın arada böyle ihtiyaçları olabilir. Bir gidişattan çok memnunuz. Hareketlerine ve kararlarına, hatta yaklaşımlarına olabildiğince az, çoğu zaman sıfır müdahale etmemiz de, bizim ailede güzel sonuçlara gebe her seferinde. 
 

       Eskiden de yapardık, ama Seyyah’ın hayatımıza girişiyle birlikte iki eş aramızda, gerektiğinde; özür dilemeye, teşekkür etmeye, birbirimize anlık ya da kalıcı duygularımız konusunda dürüst ve açık olmaya, birinin yaptığının diğerinin de hakkı olmasına, birbirimizi dinlendirmeye, teşvik etmeye, desteklemeye, beklemeye, saygı duymaya fazlaca özen gösteriyor ve bunları mümkün mertebe Seyyah’la aynı ortamdayken yapıyoruz, ertelemiyoruz. İnsanız, tökezlediğimiz de oluyor ve bu da sevdaya dahil elbet. 
 

       Ben araba yolculuklarının besleyiciliğinden de çok memnunum. Çocukluğumun bir kısmı arka koltukta camdan bakıp hayaller kurduğum, ara ara iki ön koltuk arasından kafamı uzatıp habire yolla, arabayla, sürüşle, coğrafyayla, havayla ve daha bir milyon tane şeyle ilgili sorular sorup sabırla cevaplandığım, uzun yolculuklarla geçtiği için; araba yolculuklarının kıymeti çok büyük bence. Seyyah’ın da benzer deneyimleri yaşadığına bizzat şahit olmak büyük mutluluk veriyor. 
 

       Çocukluğumda, annesi çalışan arkadaşlarım vardı. Anneleri bazı şeyleri yapamadığı için işlerin onlara kalmasından(kendi yemeğini ısıtıp yemek gibi) şikayetçilerdi bir dönem. Sonra annesi çalışan çocukların hayata daha hazır olduğundan, çünkü çalışmayan annenin evde her şeyi yaptığı için çocuğun kendi işini yapmaya alışkın olmamasından bahsedildi çokça. Bu mantıkla düşününce, Seyyah’a karşı; evde olan-dışarıda çalışmayan bir anne olsam da, yaklaşımım onun yapabildiği ve yapmayı da sevdiği şeylere asla karışmamak, hiç müdahale etmemek yönünde. Yaşı itibariyle, yapmadığı ve yapmak istemediği hiç bir konuda da asla ısrarcı olmuyorum. Benim çocuğum kendi mizacı gereği, ona ait her işi vakti gelince kendi üstüne teker teker alıyor zaten, bunu seviyor. Çok iyi yaptığı bir şey bile olsa, o anda benden yardım istiyor ya da benim yapmamı istiyorsa da, ilişkimizle ilgili farklı bir ihtiyacından kaynaklandığı için hiç ikiletmiyorum. O ihtiyacı o an karşılanıyorsa zaten işini bana yaptırmıyor bir dahaki sefere, derdi o değil çünkü. Aramızdaki bu birbirini tanıma/tanımaya çalışma hali hem ilişkimizi güçlendiriyor, hem de okulsuz vakitlerimizi değerlendirmiş oluyoruz. 
 

       Annesini ve babasını, toplumda sadece karşı cinsin işiymiş gibi algılanan her işi yapıyorken görmesi de bizim için önemli. Üstelik, toplumun genelinin aksine, İbrahim bunu benden daha bile çok önemsiyor. Onun çılgınca araba süren bir annesi ve evde temizlik yapan bir babası var. Sadece mecbur kalınca değil, tercihen hemen her işi, cinsiyet ayırt etmeksizin yapan ebeveynleriz. 
 

       Zaten bu yazdıklarımın cânı gönülden yapıldığı bir aile hayatını görerek büyürken çocuğum, okulsuzlukta “çocuğumuza şunları öğretmeliyiz” diye düşündüğümüz ekstradan tek bir konu bile kalmıyor düşündüğümüz. O zaten göreceğini görüyor, öğreneceğini öğreniyor; tam da okulsuzluğun doğasında olduğu gibi. 

 

Zeynep 

 

 

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